[if you follow me on instagram some of these photos won’t be new to you!]
Since I did a personal post last back in June, I’ve definitely made some progress with my agoraphobia and anxiety. I still haven’t been able to go on any trips in the car with people, but I’ve added some more regular outings to my routine and got back some of the confidence I lost at the end of last year. In a way it seems like frustratingly small progress, but then when I remember that seven months ago I couldn’t even go down my driveway without freaking out completely, I can really appreciate how far I’ve come.
Since I’ve been doing the Kayla Itsines BBG, and one of the requirements is a low impact 40 minute workout 3-4 times a week, I’ve been using that time to take a walk with Lila. I take her in the pram rather than the Moby Wrap and we walk from my house to the other end of my suburb and back, which takes us around about an hour. The first time I did it I was terrified. Doing things with Lila is more anxiety-provoking for me, because if I panic I can’t bail out as quick as I usually could if I was on my own. Now I can do the walk with minimal anxiety, and I’ve even managed to switch up my route a few times and walked places that I haven’t been to in over ten years.
Going out and about
I haven’t yet been able to do any big trips, but I’ve been out locally a few times. It was my birthday back in July, and I went out to dinner twice. I was so excited to be out of the house! (Lila, not so much…) I also went to the other side of my suburb to go out for lunch one random Saturday afternoon, and spent some time walking around gift shops. When the mood strikes me to go out, I jump on it. I’m finding impromptu trips are better than planned ones, which is the exact opposite of how I was last year. Twelve months ago, if I couldn’t plan in advance, map out my route, explore all the possible escape options and check that the planets were aligned [kidding] there was just no way you’d get me out of the house. I’ve also been out to the shopping center quite a few times (the one from my v-log), though I still haven’t managed to go there with someone else in the same car. I’ll get there!
I haven’t been going to the gym as much lately because there isn’t a child-minding service there, but I’ve been getting my workouts courtesy of the KI BBG which is seriously intense. Monday, Wednesday and Friday I do a resistance workout at home, while Lila plays on her mat beside me. Some days she lets me do the whole 45 minutes, and some days she decides to be devil-child and screams after I’ve only just finished my first push up. Then I go out for my LISS (low intensity steady state) walks, and on Saturdays I try to get a yoga session done at home. It was hard in the beginning to find time to exercise at home – when I get out to the gym there’s nothing else to do but exercise, whereas at home there’s so many distractions. So I find that if I do the workouts first thing in the morning when Lila is usually in her best mood, it’s easy for me to smash it out, and then I don’t have to worry about it for the rest of the day. I’m still learning to balance being a mum with looking after my mental and physical health and I’m always on the lookout for tips and tricks from other parents as to how they work their schedules. Something that has taken a bit of a backseat in my life is my mindfulness training, because you know… after bath-time and bedtime routines and dinner and cleaning up, I’m usually just desperate to sit on the couch and do something completely mindless rather than mindful, but that’s just something I’ll have to work on. When I find out how to watch Real Housewives while meditating, I’ll let you know.
It is SO weird to think that my little bean is almost six months old. Where did that time go?! She’s just started solids since she can now sit up in her high chair, and she’s on the verge of crawling. I’ve only just been able to get her into a loose routine (which is actually good for the both of us) and I’m still co-sleeping half the night because I need my sleep and that way she can just feed while I snooze. Win/Win.
So that’s the basic round up of life in the last two months. To see more regular updates you can follow me on any of my social media outlets 🙂